Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Skunk List: 1. Michelob Ultra Tuscan Orange Grapefruit

Brewery: Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis, Missouri

Style: Fruit Beer

ABV: 4.2%

Rating: .5 stars

We've finally come to the worst beer of the year, and it's a real treat. The most insulting beer I tasted this year, and I don't see any on the horizon that could touch it. I troubles me that there are two other flavors of this beer--the lime cactus and pomegranate raspberry varieties are actually rated lower at Much like LaCrosse Light, it hurts my brain just typing about this beverage.

Let's clear the air: I would never, under any circumstances, buy this beer with the assumption that it may taste decent. Or even average. That's not on my radar. I bought this beer simply because I wanted to see how awful it could be. Let me tell you, it overshot even my loftiest garbage expectations. I knew it was bad when the clerk at the liquor store, a young woman mind you, encouraged me to put it back on the shelf. I've seen Phillips tequila go without warning, and that, for my money, is the worst thing I've ever put in my mouth. This beer is really that bad.

It's insulting on many levels, the first being that it just tastes horrible. Its low alcohol content and ridiculously low amount of calories make it so. This debuted at the tail end of the low-carb, low-calorie craze, so the demand was there. It also came out during this weird Tuscan obsession we all seemed to be going through, which is another puzzling story altogether. Why not capitalize on both? Tuscan orange grapefruit? Really? Who's buying that? Wow, did Anheuser-Busch load up on grapefruits and oranges from Tuscany? I've gotta try this! It's disgusting. This has less flavor than club soda. There is no grapefruit. There is no orange. There is no Tuscany. (On a side note, there's no Tuscany in Pizza Hut's bacon mac-n-cheese either.) All this beer has is a small amount of calories and some stomach-filling liquid. If you're counting calories, drink some water. If you're going for flavor, buy a vitamin water. If you want to get a little tipsy, drink something hard. If you want to puke, have this so-called beer.

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