The Skunk List: 8. Anchor Small Beer

Brewery: Anchor Brewing, San Francisco, California

Style: Small Beer

ABV: 3.3%

Rating: 1 star

This was my first real 'wow, I guess I know nothing about beer' moment. I usually quite enjoy Anchor beers; Steam is as drinkable as it gets and their porter is one of the best out there. This one, a new find for me, was a can't miss, I assumed. And cheap! Less than three bucks for a big bottle of Anchor beer was an unbeatable bargain. I found out why upon the first sip.

It had that cold, carbonated sting that made it only possible to take one small gulp at a time. You know how it's hard to chug a cold Mountain Dew because it has too big of a bite on the throat? This was the same way, except that instead of limey sugar this one tasted like a post-kegger mix cup or all the random half cups of beer left in the house. And with an ABV of 3.3%, what's the point.

Turns out a small beer, which are very few in number these days, is created by using the runoff from a different, stronger beer. In this case, Anchor's Foghorn Barleywine is the initial beer. Once that beer has been formulated, the remains are spruced up a bit and turned into this travesty. It is called, generously by the brewer, a bitter. This is more bitter than bitter. It's an orange peel that's been soaked in keg water for a few days bitter. In fact, the only reason this got one star, upon reflection, was the name on the bottle.

The Skunk List: 9. Minnesota's Brew

Brewery: City Brewery, LaCrosse, Wisconsin

Style: Pale Lager

ABV: 5%

Rating: 1 Star

This was one of those once-a-summer, back corner of the cooler kind of finds. Had to buy it simply because of the can (the one on the left in the picture). From the journal: "Probably deserves half a star, but I was feeling the skunk at the time." The can alone probably propelled it to the one-star level, and I seem to remember a couple friends and I struggling to finish off a six pack.

There isn't much description possible here--it was a gross, unflavorful beer that you'd need to have far too many of to get to a point where it would pass as drinkable. Maybe that's the test; how many beers needed for drinkability. There weren't enough in this six pack. The last rating on ratebeer.com, my site for beer research, says this: "Have 2 of these saved for when the Vikings reach the Super Bowl someday." Enough said. I guess tha's what happens when a beer called Minnesota's Brew is actually brewed in Wisconsin

The Skunk List: 10. Kronenbourg 1664

Brewery: Brasseries-Kronenbourg, Strasbourg, France

Style: Pale Lager

ABV: 5%

Rating: 1 star

Had this many times in my few months in London, mostly because I was poor and it was cheap. It's easy to see why. Not unlike most European lagers, your Peronis, Carlsbergs or Amstels, Kronenbourg has those unquenching bitter hops that usually taste more like river water than beer.

If it's cold, it's hard to choke down because the combination of the massive carbonation and the previously mentioned bitterness is too much for one throat to handle. If it's warm, it gets flat and slimy. If it's in the middle, it just tastes like lukewarm crap. Unless you too are on an indefinite beer quest, leave the Kronenbourg 1664 on the shelf.